CHELSEA PANGANIBAN BLAKE

Being Fil Am in the United States is extremely nuanced and I think we are still in the process of defining what that means for us. Until recently, I was not as confident in identifying as Fil Am – for a long time, this came with a lot of confusion and shame, especially being mixed. My experience was feeling like I was never able to fully identify (and nor feel accepted at times) with either side of my heritage. I, like many others, I spent the majority my life away from most of my immediate family (my lolo and lola, my pinsans, titos and titas) because they were in the Philippines. Growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was also surrounded by (and at times spending most of my time with) other communities that were not solely Filipin@. Frequently I was reminded that I did not have the same life as the other members of our family that remained in the motherland and hence our identity is intrinsically separate from them. In reality, life here is daily a balance we maintain, but it is a continual learning curve that with so many levels to it – you feel the pressure and desire to represent your roots in the US, often while learning the culture(s) of other communities you are surrounded by, all while trying make sense of where our place is in the US. The beautiful thing of it all is there is no blueprint to what Fil Am identity is and we are a part of that storytelling, honoring both our history within the United States and the history prior to our families’ arrival here. .